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Poster: mudcatbluez Date: Aug 8, 2007 3:39pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: whole different topic


Damn, Dire,when you feel like asking a question...

I think I might've had the muzzle of my .45 in my mouth once upon a time, on the downslope of a nasty coke-and-booze bender. The only thing that kept me from pulling the trigger was me flashing on my partime girlfriend upstairs having to clean my brains off her living room wall. It provided the essential pause.

The very next year, I think I might've spent a couple days honing a piece of metal on the floor of a county jail cell, laying all the requisite plans for how to cut one's own throat in an observation cell. That night, through the hours waiting for "lights out," I ended up having my own private Gethsemene...and ultimately experiencing one of my life's more crucial turning points. Sometimes Hope comes in only the dimmest gleam, but bright enough to "make it one more night." When all else seems a yawning blackness, a well of pain if you will, such gleams often prove the lifeline.

Well, it's been a few days (......) since then and I've obviously never followed through. Haven't considered it since. There is little I can add that Nagdot and Rob haven't already voiced more eloquently. There is, of course, the requisite phrase of suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Me, from the hilltop of the present, I realize how cool life has and can turn out--blessings & loves & ecstasies I could not have imagined back when everything seemed so dark.

None of it would have ever been if I'd pulled the trigger in 1986.

We've got today, we've got tomorrow, and the realization that the wheel does turn.

Peace.

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Poster: ducats Date: Aug 8, 2007 4:24pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: whole different topic

a selfish act? anybody who feels that way obviously has ego problems. I've read some ridiculous threads on this forum but this one takes the cake. a selfish act - you people are a joke.

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Poster: BryanE Date: Aug 8, 2007 6:55pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: whole different topic

You were always the one in class who got a star by your name for compassion, weren't you?

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Poster: nagdot Date: Aug 8, 2007 4:45pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: whole different topic

a joke is someone who has something to say about something they know nuttin about.

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Poster: direwolf0701 Date: Aug 8, 2007 4:26pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: whole different topic

thank you mudcat - that was exactlty what i wanted to hear - thank you man - i am close man

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Poster: ducats Date: Aug 8, 2007 4:31pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: whole different topic

if you started this thread because you are contemplating suicide then please stop posting/reading this forum and go see someone who specializes in just such a subject

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Poster: mcglone Date: Aug 8, 2007 4:42pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: whole different topic

thanks ducats. maybe you could step away for a little bit... there are no taboos here. as rob stated, dire is amongst friends that love him. if this thread isn't for you, please look away.

thank-you and peace.